Springtime Blues
by Fridoline
Summary: After their first time making love, Haruki can't fall asleep and watches Akihiko instead. He soon finds himself in a whirlpool of emotions that threaten to overwhelm him.


It's the middle of the night and Haruki is tired but he can't sleep. The buzz from the afterglow is still running through his body, keeping him in a state of wonder and incredulity. Akihiko had managed to clean them both up after their lovemaking, gentle and tender, before he collapsed on the bed, all satisfied, and fell asleep instantly.

The bed isn't king size but can still hold two people comfortably, if snuggling isn't an issue. Akihiko is lying on his right side, cheek squished against the pillow, left arm loosely slung over Haruki's hip. He snores very lightly and every once in a while chews on his lips in his sleep. It's really cute and Haruki just can't tear his eyes off him, no matter how much they start drooping as sleep keeps tugging at him.

He doesn't know for how long he's been staring at Akihiko already, but he can't get enough. After a wonderful night of pure bliss, Haruki still yearns to reach out his hand and card his fingers through those short platinum blond locks, wants to caress the smooth skin on those chiseled cheeks, trace the thin eyebrows with his index finger and run his thumb over that plump bottom lip until it bumps into the ring. And he wants to kiss, kiss, kiss, every inch of skin.

Even with the lamps switched off, the apartment is so open and bright in the middle of the night with big windows welcoming the streetlights in to reflect from the walls and set everything in a light luminous glow.

Akihiko is way too handsome. Haruki stares at those closed eyes, the short eyelashes, and keeps thinking about the striking green they keep hidden at this moment.

For some reason, his vision starts to swim as tears well up in his eyes. He doesn't understand why. Everything is perfectly good, has never been better. Maybe it's the swirl of the cocktail of chemicals that drowns your brain after an orgasm, but Haruki feels weirdly lonely and emotional and it's all getting a bit too much for his sleep-deprived mind.

Carefully, Haruki slips out of Akihiko's hold on him and slides off the bed. His backside is a little sore, despite all the careful preparations, but he doesn't mind and just moves a little more cautiously. He tiptoes across the room and picks up what he thinks are his boxer briefs and Akihiko's t-shirt to slip into quickly for some decency.

In the living room he picks up the pack of cigarettes and lighter from the table and walks out onto the balcony, letting the glass door click closed behind him, so that no smoke drifts in.

Outside, the air is a bit chilly when the wind moves through the buildings but otherwise the warmth of the previous day still lingers. It won't be long before summer arrives and the nights grow sweltering hot.

His naked feet tap across the stone floor for a few short steps. Haruki leans onto the railing and takes a deep breath of the fresh air, hoping to clear his mind. He holds it for a second or two and then lets it out on a long sigh that turns into a broken sob halfway through.

Haruki's relationship with Akihiko is still new enough to be overwhelming at times. It doesn't help that this was the first time they have had sex, the full course. Haruki thinks that maybe he wasn't as prepared for it as he thought, since he seems to be really shaken up about it right now.

It has just been two weeks since Akihiko's confession, but to Haruki it feels like their relationship only starts for real now that they have taken that extra step into intimacy. They've been dancing around that for a bit.

And it feels wonderful. Fantastic. Haruki is truly happy. So happy that it scares him.

This all started as an unexpected little crush and quickly developed into way more. For almost 3 years Haruki has endured all the pain that came with it. The heartbreak and revival of his feelings, it all comes rushing back now, of all times, and washes over him.

He is happy, but with happiness comes the fear of losing it. He knows he can't prevent it and should just enjoy the good times when they last, but Haruki can't shake the fear of getting hurt again.

It's silly. To find yourself in such a mood when you are supposed to be happy. Haruki is a bit angry at himself for being in such an emotional funk. He refuses to let the tears spill and stares out at the swimming city lights.

Haruki wants to go back to his bed, cuddle up against Akihiko's warm body and finally find that elusive sleep. But he needs to calm down first.

Fumbling for a cigarette, Haruki pulls one out of the pack and lights it up with slightly trembling fingers, which makes him huff out a short laugh. He must look like an absolute weirdo, standing half naked on his balcony, crying and laughing, in the dead of night.

He takes a drag of his newly lit cigarette, inhales deeply and puffs out the smoke to watch it dissipate into nothing. After smoking it down to the butt, Haruki lights another one and keeps his gaze on the horizon.

It helps a bit, he calms down enough to feel the tiredness creep up on him. He doesn't notice Akihiko doing the same until he stands right behind him and puts his hands on Haruki's hips, startling him immensely.

"What are you doing out here? Come back to bed." Akihiko's voice is rough with sleep.

"Holy crap! Are you trying to kill me?" Haruki turns around just to meet Akihiko's tired but sharp eyes and that whole glorious body as it was put on this earth. He really shouldn't be surprised. Sometimes it seems that Akihiko truly knows no shame, not that there is actually anything to be ashamed about with such a toned body, but some decency would be appreciated every now and then.

"You can't come out here like that!" Gently but firmly, Haruki pushes Akihiko's stark naked figure back to the glass door, while he quickly puts out his cigarette in the ashtray he keeps on the balcony.

When Haruki steps back into his living room, closing the balcony door behind him, Akihiko looks a lot more awake and worried. He instantly pulls Haruki close and cups his face with both of his hands.

"What's wrong?" His thumbs draw little circles on Haruki's cheeks under his eyes.

"Everythings fine." A small smile tugs at Haruki's lips. He means it. But Akihiko is still sceptical.

"You cried." There is no question, just a plain observation.

"Why would you cry, if everything was fine?" Akihiko's eyes widen in horror as he seems to come to a terrible conclusion.

"Are you hurt? Did I hurt you? Why didn't you-"

Haruki grabs Akihiko's wrists to keep his hands on his face as he tries to pull them away and instantly interrupts that train of thought.

"NO! No, I'm fine, you didn't hurt me, on the contrary it was great, really amazing. It's true!"

Haruki looks straight into those green eyes that seem to be searching his for the truth. Akihiko relaxes when he believes him but still looks confused since Haruki's behaviour is admittedly a bit weird.

Haruki averts his gaze and sighs. It all seems somewhat overdramatic now and he is a little embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to worry you. I couldn't fall asleep and then uhm...got a bit emotional, so I went out to get some fresh air, clear my mind. I'm really happy right now and..." Haruki's throat closes up for a second.

"And?"

"...and it scares me." There, he said it.

"Me too."

Haruki's eyes instantly snap back to Akihiko's, surprised by that admission and his boyfriends unusually soft voice.

"I keep thinking that I don't deserve you yet but I am selfish enough not to want to let you go again."

Akihiko leans forward and places a chaste kiss on his lips and Haruki actually laughs into it. They both still hold so many insecurities but knowing that strangely fills Haruki with some confidence.

"Good, 'cause I have no intention of leaving you."

Akihiko pulls Haruki into a tight embrace and plants another kiss on the crown of his head. Haruki closes his eyes and enjoys the moment for a few seconds before slipping his hands down Akihiko's back and slapping that ass with a chuckle.

"Let's get back to bed, you caveman!" he laughs.

"Mhmm, gladly. Did I mention that you look very hot in my shirt?" Akihiko unabashedly checks out Haruki's long, thin legs that disappear unter the hems of the slightly too long t-shirt.

Haruki playfully but decidedly slaps away the wandering hand that was totally aiming for his thighs.

"Nuh uh, that has to wait until I've had some sleep. You are insatiable!"

"Only because you are so irresistible."

They kiss and laugh. And stumble awkwardly towards the bedroom because they can't stop kissing. When they fall onto the bed the kissing turns into nibbling and then cuddling before Haruki, exhaustedly, finally falls asleep in Akihiko's arms.

This time it's Akihiko's turn to watch his boyfriend sleep for a bit before he too closes his eyes and falls back into slumber.


End file.
